Pensive

I know I haven't been up to date, but finals are upon us. I have been preparing outlines for final papers, studying for tests, and taking care of other business. There has also been little to report. I have my pre-departure meeting this Monday, to go over basics for the trip.

I've been thinking about Development, about economics (my minor), about how it relates to Kenya and I've been getting philosophical. I've been thinking about how this relates to my faith, my belief in a loving and merciful God (while people can be unjust, unloving, and unmerciful) and where I fit into all of this. What all these economists and politicians are saying and who's actually right, who has authority to say these. What is right vs. what is popular or convenient.

It all makes me cry. I never thought school would have me cry. I never thought I'd throw books against the wall. I never thought I'd have emotional debates with friends and spiritual leaders over numbers and statistics. I never thought politics would have an emotional, spiritual side to them. I never thought I'd have to stand for and defend my major, my desired profession, and my dreams to people who honestly don't get it.

I entered ID because I wanted to help people. I still do. My faith commands it and I find this field is my outlet. I wanted to change the world and make a difference. I want to change myself, to become more appreciative, kinder, more aware of the world, less selfish, less prejudiced, and less rude. I want to grow in my faith and bring new perspectives into my life.

I want to learn why I fight for this so much.